|Posted by gentlerecovery on August 6, 2010 at 10:31 AM|
"...Give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be." Joy Page
Permission: the authorization granted to do something
Permission - formal consent - giving sanction. Sanction - official permission or approval for a course of action.
When my therapist suggested I give myself permission to be free...I thought she was nuts. I wanted to be free. I had focused all my energy on trying to be free. I didn't get why she told me that....or even what she meant by it. It couldn't be that simple to find release in simply saying those words....or could it?
I did end up saying the words.....I gave myself permission to be free...to have a good life....a life I dreamed about....a life I yearned for.....a life like most people lived.
At first my words were just that....words. But then I noticed a change inside....a shift....a different feel that hadn't been there before. I started believing in the power of those words...accepting their truth....and soon coming to realize that just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz - I had always had the power to get what I wanted....a power I had never realized before - the power to give myself what no one else could - the permission....the sanction.....to walk free.
I had tried for so long to twist myself into everyone else's version of what I should be.....all those professionals with their rules and programs and plans....promising me freedom if I would just do what they wanted. The problem - I couldn't fit into their way of being in 'my' world. I couldn't adjust myself enough to become what anyone else believed was right for me. It only kept me stuck....and frustrated.....and angry.
More than anything....I needed His touch to break through the darknesss....to cut through my hatred. He showed me something I never had before.....a love so great it gave me the courage to keep fighting.The next best thing....was learning to take back my power and give myself the permission to come home to me.