Gentle Recovery

Healing From Child Abuse & Rape

Healing Journey

Giving Permission

Posted by gentlerecovery on August 6, 2010 at 10:31 AM

 "...Give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be." Joy Page

Permission: the authorization granted to do something 

Permission - formal consent - giving sanction. Sanction - official permission or approval for a course of action.  


When my therapist suggested I give myself permission to be free...I thought she was nuts. I wanted to be free. I had focused all my energy on trying to be free. I didn't get why she told me that....or even what she meant by it. It couldn't be that simple to find release in simply saying those words....or could it? 


I did end up saying the words.....I gave myself permission to be free...to have a good life....a life I dreamed about....a life I yearned for.....a life like most people lived. 


At first my words were just that....words.  But then I noticed a change inside....a shift....a different feel that hadn't been there before. I started believing in the power of those words...accepting their truth....and soon coming to realize that just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz - I had always had the power to get what I wanted....a power I had never realized before - the power to give myself what no one else could - the permission....the sanction.....to walk free. 


I had tried for so long to twist myself into everyone else's version of what I should be.....all those professionals with their rules and programs and plans....promising me freedom if I would just do what they wanted. The problem - I couldn't fit into their way of being in 'my' world. I couldn't adjust myself enough to become what anyone else believed was right for me. It only kept me stuck....and frustrated.....and angry.


More than anything....I needed His touch to break through the darknesss....to cut through my hatred. He showed me something I never had before.....a love so great it gave me the courage to keep fighting.The next best thing....was learning to take back my power and give myself the permission to come home to me.


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7 Comments

Reply Dolores Ayotte
10:50 AM on August 6, 2010 
Nikki,
The most profound words in this post are "learning to take back my power".
At times, people try to fit us into their slots of how they see the world. In order to attain the freedom you write about, we have to be accepted for who we are to achieve the freedom so aptly describe in this article.
Reply Karen
7:51 PM on August 6, 2010 
So glad you let His light break through the darkness...so you could...come back home....
Reply Jennifer Richardson
8:27 AM on August 8, 2010 
His healing love is stronger than every twist and turn and tangle in our soul....our permission is the key that lets our arms come down so that He can embrace us, isn't it. I LOVE that about Him....that He respects our boundaries so much that even though He created us, He isn't into control. He lets us choose.......even whether or not we let Him make us whole. How incredibly humble and gentle of an all powerful God!!! It makes my heart tender toward His touch to think about His humility and respect towards me.

I LOVE how you put that.....giving yourself permission to "come home to ME"
Isn't that just the way it is! Perfect words for such a complex notion.
I love your blog and your heart that pulses with loving freedom....it's a beacon for other wounded souls. Like me:)
Sending heartfelt hugs and hope for more of Him,
Jennifer
Reply lily
12:15 AM on April 11, 2011 
beautifully written... thank you for sharing this. :)
Reply Susan Kinney
7:40 AM on April 20, 2011 
Nikki, I'm grateful that you see His hand in your life to break through the darkness! I will write down your blog address and book to put in my calendar for my purse so that when I meet someone that needs your to hear your story of victiory I will pass your information along! Be Blessed!
Reply Shanda
6:27 PM on July 7, 2011 
Wow, that is so powerful: that you can speak positively into your own soul and see changes. Come to think of it, I do an awful lot of negative self talk.
Reply Esther Joy
9:30 PM on August 2, 2011 
The first thought that comes to mind after reading your newest post is, "You've come a long way, baby!" I love what Jennifer said, "He lets us choose.......even whether or not we let Him make us whole.".

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