Gentle Recovery

Healing From Child Abuse & Rape

Healing Journey

I'll Do Anything, God.

Posted by gentlerecovery on May 14, 2010 at 9:26 PM

"Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title." Virginia Woolf

I told God I would do anything for Him. I told Him there is nothing I wouldn't do.Nothing at all. He freed me. He broke the hold of all those things that were killing me. I almost died. Not once. Many times.But He wouldn't let me die.


I had a thing for heights. I used to shoot up, then climb to the rooftop of this building. I'd stand on the ledge with my arms out. I believed I could fly. I believed I wouldn't fall. I heard a voice telling me to jump. Telling me it's ok.Telling me I would soar. I wanted to trust that voice. I came so close to believing what it said. There was a cop who followed me. Who always seemed to be there on that rooftop. Many times he pulled me off that ledge. I would have jumped. I could have died. God didn't let me.


I'll do anything God. Anything you want. Anything except tell the people in my world now how I lived, what I did, how bad things were, the drugs, the cutting, the abuse, the darkness. Pride? Shame?


There was a fire. I dropped the match trying to heat up the dope. The flames engulfed the room. I was trapped. I should have died.   I'll do anything God. Anything you want.


The hospital told me they had never seen anyone so thin. I weighed less  than eighty pounds. I was cold all the time. Freezing. Even in summer.My electrolytes were out of whack making my legs hurt. They said my heart would stop. It never did. He wouldn't let it.  I'll do anything God. Anything you want.


When I run I have courage. When I run I know He is running with me. I'm not alone anymore. He gives me this incredible strength. He empowers me. When I run and feel His presence I know I can do anything.  Even tell. I owe Him. I won't be afraid anymore to tell.  I'll do anything God. Anything at all. I promise. 


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3 Comments

Reply Karen
10:16 PM on May 14, 2010 
Oh, Nikki....God has special work for you here....that is why He didn't let you slip away....you have blessed so many with your story of perseverance and faith....and inspired others to rise above their circumstances to reach that Solid Rock....and you CAN do anything through Him.....I love you!
Reply Elizabeth Mahlou
12:51 PM on May 15, 2010 
Hi Nikki. Do tell. You have no reason for shame, and pride is a useless commodity. God always helps us do whatever He asks of us. (I love that picture of the raccoons on your side bar!)
Reply Angie Squire
9:56 AM on April 6, 2011 
God allows every one to go through situations in their life because when god is finished bringing us out of our dark places we will then be equipped to bring somone else out of there struggles. I except a long time ago that if i have to suffer for a while to become a glimmer of light to shine in the hurting others lives, I said so be it Lord. i'm born to be a blessing.

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